Saturday, December 31, 2005

Heart.

i keep your letter on the nightstand
(in the mornings. i wake to read it again)
and as i closed my eyes last night. you were there.
- for the crashing clouds that turned into snow -
and a bit of sleep that came and went -
; i only thought of you ( you are all i think of. all i think of.)

way down inside of my mind - it cries out in worry -
i forget that. i throw caution away.
and soon i will run to you. ( i dont
know how i will ever go away)

the stars are up all night, and i lay with them.
and i ponder everything that you and i
could be. in the foggy morning air. i reread your letter.
and i am complete, but its not enough yet.
an emptiness lingers because your not here.

if i was a praying man, i would
pray for you every night and day
but wishes and hopes and dreams i have instead.
my dear, you don't know what has been done to me
i am yours to the core. and i am going nowhere.
i sit here. wishing to kiss your lips
and i close my eyes.
feeling the urge to run away, to you, then away again.
i want to sink to the bottom of the ocean with you. forgetting
everything else. lost in your eyes and everything you are.

to put it simply.
i love you.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

i don't know why - but the setting saturn sun,
brings the sky to a halt. (reflecting stars dance)
some kind of pause in our breath. as we.. gaze... up.
but more to the moving heavens. there is your lips.
(they should be on mine).

in the shaking ground. the hot sheets. the sweating bodies.
we kept the world to ourselves.
i will keep you. forever. and forever. and forever we will be.
trancending this escape.

there is nothing at all. in the earthquake. or in the candle light.
nothing that is more than you.
and these eyes twinkle with a glow. never willing to exhale.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

a little later
than the steps we left behind
trying not to get caught in a knot
the webs we spun out for years.

Walking the road with you
waht may fall on these eyes
alone or are we one?

beside us, our shadows,
wish for sleep

now come and kiss me
before the moment ends

we never have to be alone

again.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

lets be strangers. don't joke.
i didn't hear the memo come through.
by any chance, are you a xerox?

hold on tight. this is a wild ride. think
that i don't want to say goodnight. i'd
much rather stare into your eyes. is
that problematic? i want to hold you.

i'm kinda aquatic. and you're dreaming.
but i will say "hello" and forget the
"goodbyes" for the days that won't end.
i may get on the plane. but my heart won't.
i am not lying. i am here still.
reach out. touch me. kiss me.

i am trying to understand. understand me.
and i will be all you need. if you will be with me.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

there is a power beam drawing me in,
dark - cold - frail; eyelids.
look away from the flashing lights.
look_for_redemption (gift certificates now available.)

one more glance, in your direction
could be the fate of all that i AM.
try to - touch - never leave - never think
but the ending wont come
just cue the credits:
happy ending (with you).

Monday, December 12, 2005

Beside you.

this is the road that i will take,
out paths will cross again some day,
in the sky above, we move with the clouds,
when the rain comes, dance with me in it -
force ourselves to shine like dimonds
then - sleeping in our bed, we will wake
and find eyes staring back at us,
point them at me, and i will escape,
into you lips.

how soon before i have to leave, or in the
dark alleys that we will roam, don't let go,
everything seems to spin, but i can still see you,
balancing up on my rope, i will give you away
if you love me right back, and every moment
will be with hope that you will come back, don't
walk out of the room,
the floor will shake and the tv drowns
as we forget everything else.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

the night has come, and now,
restless as i may seem to be, i
don't know what more i can do to say
the words that i know you've heard, so oft,
but they are true, and i want you to know

into my dark eyes, i tore down the walls,
they hid all that i ever was, holding back
the demons that lurked there
but gone now its all coming true.

as the stone drops further i sink,
but i just swim agains the current
treading the water, to get to you,
i choose you, and its all i need.

somewhere in the broken ashes
of a once thought ruined soul, you have
found a spark and have started anew,
and healed i will go on to be with you.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

With You.

in my mind, i am leaving sooner than now,
and in the months to come, things will be right,
i am scared that when i go,
my heart won't be coming back,
but it will live with you, for my lifetime.

i will be the star i can be,
and you will be in my eyes,
with a kiss that will never end,
everything will be complete.

i don't know where we will be, but
i know that i will be with you
because i know things take time,
but i know that i want you
i realize that i need you
can we get away from everything,
meet in the morning, and vanish
with the sun.

i say, these are the moments that
create my life, and i want them to be with you.

you may start to think of something clever,
but what do the lies do, but condem me further,
i want your ideas to be my own and in the end,
in the end i will fail at it all.

forgive the weakness this heart embodies
the frail mind is shaking and breaking, the
moments come home but they don't stay
just forgotten ideas the never linger.

go and find me dying under a tree, pondering,
some lost idealization that never would have mattered.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Constructs.

plant my feet in the ground -
grow now, some more,
... perhaps; and please,
there is a - soul - that lingers
; asks for "a good riddance"

dance the night sky, dance -
the war is open to the general public
(heads are on fire) what else will burn
can burn, break open the bank,
floor board will creak still.

.... shake the snowglobe....
and my world is turned downside up
; the shit will just come back down; again; again; again
- forget all the fairie's tales, lies
and a certain damnation in the nameless
"calling number one" go now and go.

survive, but for what, erase this marker.
; going to the temporal inquisition,
or rather being, or breathing, or being or
something else altogether,
- maybe social constructs -
but that doesn't fit well

shameless intervision, bubbles in the water
dead inside to the sounds

... call and come... and lets go.

a heart is no place to dwell
especially not this one.

in the now, tomorrow won't come
awake in the nights,
the days become one, and the present.

are there two different selves
that need to make amends - leave

the cause is happening to me too,
for the love i have,
i will give it all to you, just ask.

can i go on, with you nearer,
help clear away this mess,
and the blankets invite us in.

in the clear night air
there is an idea that forms
from the tears falling
incomplete by themselves
with nowhere now, going nowhere
the passenger seat is empy,
who will fill that void....

the strange eyes look back
in the morning gazing out of the windows,
and frost covers everything
lost in thoughts down the block, already
absorbing reality into our smiles....

blur the sight of the complete stars
is there a future over us, moving
or shredding away with the past,
when things look this way, dark, low,
and self imposed, do we dare go out?

Done is Done, now go
the moon hides its eyes for us
and the ending comes.

That Night.

the time dies on the porch -
a glowing streetlight flickering
and the shadows dance with us
as we move from the sidewalk
to the wet grass.

this is where we were laid,
and our unsung poems, pour out
grab my hand , and don't let go
because i need you
in all of my moments.

the stars are coming,
will you be mine? every night
the glow envelopes me,
just as i want to hold you,
and forget all other memories.

the pulses match up, and
together laughing for days and days
everything will be perfect,
this night.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Okay.

your story wraps around me,
and the boiling pots of blood,
don't give me a direction go -
maybe climbing a little further
;colder in the setting mountains, come
down from the sun, Apollo, and
let me fall, burn and bright away.

the summer dwindled away into a ball, now
the ice and frost and dead insects believe
in something more than this love.

to this eye, there is no rememberance,
hiding below in the caverns
; count out the darkness - drive to the echos
that you cause every day.

in my mind, you have no idea
lost in the drying sidewalk
and thoughts of you, in the wind
going around melting with ice
you're so much more
than anything i've had before.

Monday, December 05, 2005

the plans were made, but never came
doctors came in, one by one, streaming
media and multifaceted words.

there is a breaking to be reached, and
come get me, ready to go, down these roads.
its not all that great, its not all that dark,
and home is the place i will never go.

the incense stings the teared eyes
and for a moment reality shattered.
you were so great to me, and the roads
we both took, though differed in appearence,
never deviated. go home.
maybe ill meet you there someday.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Atrophy

the boiling tea sits stagnating,
mere tears come in call steam home -
a southern sun asking for "pardons"
;and the incense begins to sting the nostrils.

nothing fits how it once did - causation -
a familiar glance and broken tongues
go-go-boys and girls, dance in the hallways -
flourescent again - worst than it is - is it?
snow cover stairs, to a coughing room.

what is this for anymore, a few more shots,
the vodka is strong enough to burn it away
(go away and find solace)
the lights may give out any moment, burn brighter
candles. burn until there is no meaning left.

no, no, no, there is nothing here, but the vaugness.

will (you) save (me)

i am broken but unconcerned.
why do i bother to breathe in the air
a pity poor play in this drunkenness
visualize the foolish fool dying
and in my eyes, the ashes scatter
in the blue wind.

a dead soul has no hope to linger
but a self loathing arises each night
in the reflections of a watering hole,
every reality displaced with a splash.
without skin, a storm comes rising
from the broken ashes, tornado spining
crying out for pleas of mercy and hope,
don't look into these eyes.

i don't think i will mind,
the inevitablity of this fatalistic turn of events,
turn around and walk away,
i love you far to much my dear to hurt you,
but can you save me? will you? will you?
dare you help me rise from the ashes of everything i was,
and become someone somewhat more
in loving you i might be saved.

kick the pondering soul. -
forget the 0s of life
; the body will go to waste,
a dried ending of particles -
to waste away in age.

cast spells, sing aloud,
drown out the death chants-
let it g-g-g-gooooooo

forget the wishful thinking.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

blinking moments here
waiting for you to come now
take me away from here

Friday, December 02, 2005

Cycle.

the cold sets the pace _sporadic snow_
and the drumming on the ceiling comes to a crash,
pot holes will come soon, rain and ice and something else
;but blink in the cold, to freeze - lost-listless-luminate
your eyes - paler by the moonlight
turn slowly, balance kept naught,
fall and crack the eggs into a pan.

pine cones and acorns and peanuts,
gatherer go and hurry for the last

scream into your ear, bleed through the rags
cuts go deeper than the heart
and for moments - lost desires - leave
; care for the elderly
; or die alone
_what other cautions could be given_
by a temptress of fate.

cold dry skin dies - flakes away -
floating in the wind
; lands on something, to grow again.

___

this is not a test, please come again -
the predawn will melt into shadows_
and nothing is really understandable.
; can you understand what is being spoken_
aloud - awake - alive, i (am?)

do you enjoy this suffering,
(hurt me, hurt me, huuurt meee some more) please?
^ whispered in a quiet hush ^

down in the dirt in summer suns
and crawling in sticky snow winters.
fall is a memory and spring is cruel,
falling leaves - disappear into gutters -

testing, testing,
drown me out in a sea of transmuted silence,
and morphology of this soul breaks
glass on the hardwood floor.

the shotgun shells and cigarette buts litter corners
fall in love with me, fall in love with my being
and i will fall for everything you say you are.

i will miss you here and now and forever,
beautiful stone wear away my decay.
the floor shakes.